The Professor's Green Card Marriage (Dreamspun Desires Book 98) by Heidi Cullinan

Author:Heidi Cullinan [Cullinan, Heidi]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: gay romance
ISBN: 9781644056523
Publisher: Dreamspinner Press
Published: 2020-02-17T18:30:00+00:00

Chapter Eleven

THE first time Valentyn had sex with a man, he vomited afterward.

Not until he’d left—which he’d done against the man’s urging that he stay. In hindsight, Andrjùša had been a kind, good man Valentyn would have been lucky to have in his life. But Valentyn had been young, barely seventeen, and he still had his uncle’s—his entire family’s—damnations of his kind in his head. During sex, Valentyn lost himself to pleasure, and afterward, his doubts and fears washed over him, and he felt wretched.

This had been the pattern until he traveled abroad and lived in the United States. Until places like New York, San Francisco. The Florida Keys. Until a veritable fleet of men told him, with their mouths, hands, and whole bodies, that he was one of them, that he had a place to be. Until he was so changed that he went home and knew he had to leave, whatever the cost.

Yet home stayed with him no matter what he did. Sex was easy. Relationships were impossible. He was moody, his partners told him. Reserved. Closed off. To his shame, he’d cheated on several of them. It was as if he couldn’t stop himself from being the monster his uncle had seen in him that hot summer day.

Was it fair to Peter, to let him be with such a man? Peter deserved so much better; that was absolute. Peter shouldn’t be with someone as broken as Valentyn Savvich Shevchenko.

But I want to keep him with me anyway. The thought, monstrous and wild, stilled Valentyn’s black heart, his whole body.

Peter, drying himself with a towel, regarded Valentyn quietly.

Outside of those few words he’d spoken downstairs, he still hadn’t said much of anything, though sometime during the day he’d begun making regular eye contact, and after the vodka, Peter had more expressions on his face. Valentyn hadn’t realized how enticing it was to watch someone bloom slowly before you. It was another sign of how terrible he was that he wanted it to keep going slowly. He wanted to earn the spark in Peter’s gaze, to watch it smolder. Each time Peter spoke, even in a whisper, it rang in Valentyn’s head, made him feel more worthy than any accolade he’d ever received.

How awful, that he made Peter’s struggle to find speech about him. But was this a surprise? He’d always known he was terrible, deep down.

Except when Peter touched him, when Peter held his hand, when he kissed him—during those times, Valentyn didn’t feel anything but good.

I want to marry him and feel this way all the time. The hot, selfish desire swelled in him, flashing bright before shame pulled it back.

Peter touched his face. He looked concerned.

Now it was Valentyn who couldn’t meet his gaze. “Sorry. I think I had just enough vodka to make me brood.” When Peter only continued to regard him with confusion, so sweet and soft, Valentyn decided he should tell the whole truth. Suffer. Let him know who you are. “You deserve someone better than me.

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